Opening Quotes
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
“You will never reach higher ground if you are always pushing others down.” – Jeffrey Benjamin
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” – Plato
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.” – Harvey Fierstein
“Don’t let someone dim your light, simply because it’s shining in their eyes.” – Unknown
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
“Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke.” – Benjamin Disraeli
Guiding Question (From a Parent)
Can you teach a session on bullying – what is it & how to handle it, both with adult support and when adult support isn’t immediately available?
Creative and gifted individuals often possess heightened social and emotional sensitivity, making them more susceptible to the effects of teasing or negative comments from their peers. Unfortunately, bullies may exploit this sensitivity to target and manipulate them. Oftentimes when I teach about a topic like this, I try to bring it to life for students using fictional characters from books or recognizable eminent people in history.
This is a healthy starting point because it gets students looking for universal patterns (and not stuck in their own story that can feel overwhelming at times). Gifted individuals who are bullied in popular culture often serve as poignant reminders of the challenges faced by those who stand out intellectually. Here are a few examples:
- Matilda (Matilda by Roald Dahl): Matilda Wormwood is a young girl with extraordinary intelligence and telekinetic powers. Despite her remarkable abilities, she faces relentless bullying from her cruel and neglectful parents, as well as the tyrannical headmistress, Miss Trunchbull, at her school.
- Harry Potter (Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling): Harry Potter is gifted in the magical arts, but he faces bullying and ostracism from his cousin Dudley and other students at his school, particularly Draco Malfoy and his gang of Slytherins.
- Will Hunting (Good Will Hunting): Will Hunting is a brilliant but troubled young man working as a janitor at MIT. Despite his genius-level intellect, he faces social isolation and aggression from his peers due to his rough upbringing and perceived arrogance. (I actually wrote a song about “the real life William Sidis” who inspired this story.)
- Ender Wiggin (Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card): Ender Wiggin is a highly intelligent and strategic young boy recruited into a military training program to defend against an alien invasion. Throughout his training, he experiences bullying and isolation from his fellow recruits, who resent his superior skills and the pressure placed on him by authority figures.
- Eleanor Shellstrop (The Good Place): Eleanor Shellstrop, portrayed by Kristen Bell, is a morally flawed but ultimately redeemable character in the afterlife comedy series. In flashbacks, it’s revealed that Eleanor was bullied and mistreated throughout her childhood and adolescence, which contributes to her defensive and selfish behavior as an adult.
- Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory): Sheldon Cooper, portrayed by Jim Parsons, is a highly intelligent theoretical physicist with a genius-level IQ. In flashbacks and anecdotes throughout the series, it’s revealed that Sheldon was often bullied and ostracized as a child due to his advanced intellect, social awkwardness, and eccentric behavior.
- Bruce Banner (The Hulk): Bruce Banner, also known as the Hulk, is a brilliant scientist specializing in gamma radiation. In various adaptations of the character’s backstory, including the Marvel comics and films, Bruce is depicted as having been bullied and marginalized as a child due to his intellectual pursuits and perceived vulnerability.
These stories demonstrate the complex dynamics of bullying and the unique challenges faced by individuals who may struggle to fit in or find acceptance due to their intellectual differences. These works of art can hopefully remind us of the importance of empathy, understanding, and support for all students navigating social and academic environments. Of course, make sure to align the stories to the appropriate age level for the student you are working with.
Bullying vs. Teasing
Although students often confuse the two, bullying and teasing differ significantly in their nature. It’s important to recognize the difference between the two and address any behavior that crosses the line into bullying to create safe and respectful social environments.
Bullying:
- Intent to Harm: Bullying involves deliberate and repeated acts of aggression, intimidation, or manipulation intended to cause harm, distress, or discomfort to another person. The intention behind bullying behavior is to exert power and control.
- Power Imbalance: Bullying often occurs in situations where there is a perceived power imbalance between the bully and the victim. This could be based on factors such as age, physical strength, social status, or perceived vulnerabilities.
- Severity and Duration: Bullying behavior is typically more severe and sustained over time. It can manifest in various forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, and cyberbullying, and may have long-lasting effects on the victim’s mental and emotional well-being.
- Consequences: Bullying can have serious consequences for both the victim and the perpetrator, including psychological trauma, social isolation, and academic difficulties.
Teasing:
- Intent and Context: Teasing involves playful or lighthearted remarks or actions directed at another person, often in a friendly or affectionate manner. The intent behind teasing is usually not malicious, and it is commonly used as a form of social interaction or bonding among friends or family members.
- Mutual Understanding: Teasing is typically reciprocal and based on mutual understanding and consent between the parties involved. It is often characterized by good-natured banter and humor, and the recipient of the teasing is not left feeling hurt or humiliated.
- Boundaries: Teasing is generally limited in scope and does not escalate to the level of sustained harassment or intimidation seen in bullying. It respects the boundaries and sensitivities of the individuals involved, and any discomfort or offense caused is unintentional and quickly addressed.
The key difference? Bullying seeks to make someone feel “less than.”
Teasing, in its highest form, can be perceived as an attempt to bond.
It’s beneficial to provide examples of both bullying and teasing as an exercise to help students sort this out (for example, I have a slide-show where the examples below are scrambled).
Teasing:
Friendly Banter Among Friends:
- “Hey, did you borrow your outfit from a clown today?”
- “Looks like someone forgot to comb their hair this morning!”
Playful Teasing in a Relationship:
- “You call that cooking? I’ve tasted better microwave dinners!”
- “I think you need a GPS to find your way around the kitchen!”
Sibling Teasing:
- “Did you grow an extra head overnight or is that just your usual morning look?”
- “You’re so clumsy, you should wear a helmet around the house!”
Teasing About Personal Preferences:
- “Wow, you actually like pineapple on pizza? I thought I knew you!”
- “Your taste in music is so outdated, I bet your playlist is on a cassette tape!”
Teasing About Habits or Quirks:
- “Are you ever going to stop checking your phone every five seconds?”
- “I swear you have a caffeine IV drip. Do you ever sleep?”
Examples of Bullying:
Verbal Bullying:
- “You’re so weird, why do you even bother coming to school?”
- “I do it way better than that. Why do you even try?”
Physical Bullying:
- Pushing someone into a locker or against a wall.
- Tripping someone in the hallway or during sports activities.
Social Bullying:
- Gossiping about someone to damage their reputation (perpetually pointing out the flaws of others)
- Excluding someone from social activities or group chats deliberately.
Cyberbullying:
- Sending hurtful or threatening messages online or through social media.
- Posting embarrassing photos or videos of someone without their consent.
Intimidation:
- Making aggressive gestures or facial expressions to intimidate someone.
- Threatening someone with physical harm or to expose personal information.
What can be done about bullying when adult support is available?
- Know When to Seek Help: Teach students to recognize when a situation may be too difficult to handle on their own and when to seek help from adults. Remind them it’s okay to ask for assistance when dealing with bullying or other challenging situations. Encourage them to call out the bullying privately with the help of an adult (not in front of a group).
- Report Incidents: Encourage students to report incidents of bullying to trusted adults, such as teachers, school counselors, or administrators. Provide them with clear channels for reporting, whether it’s through anonymous reporting systems, designated staff members, or online platforms. (In my online classrooms, students know they can always direct message me if something confusing has happened.)
- Document Details: Advise students to keep a record of bullying incidents, including dates, times, locations, and descriptions of what occurred (this is especially true if they anticipate being gaslighted or told they have a poor memory). Encourage them to gather any evidence, such as screenshots of online harassment or witness statements, to support their reports.
- Ask the Teacher (In Private) to Set a Positive Example For How to Interact With the Difficult Person in Question: Encourage students to lead by example and demonstrate positive behaviors in their interactions with others. Teach them the importance of treating everyone with dignity, empathy, and respect, regardless of differences.
What about when adult support isn’t immediately available?
- Stay Calm and Safe: Encourage students to prioritize safety and well-being. If they feel threatened or unsafe, advise them to remove themselves from the situation.
- Use Assertive Communication: Teach students assertive communication techniques to assert their boundaries and stand up for themselves in non-confrontational ways. Encourage them to calmly but firmly assert their feelings and rights.
- Seek Help from Peers: If adult support isn’t immediately available, students can turn to trusted peers for help and support. Encourage them to confide in friends, classmates, or older students who may be able to offer assistance or intervene on their behalf. Strength in numbers can deter bullies and provide emotional support to those who are targeted.
- Stay Persistent: Remind students not to give up in their efforts to address bullying, even if adult support is initially unavailable. Encourage them to keep advocating for themselves and seeking assistance until they receive the help and support they need.
Go Deeper/Resources:
*Big Life Journal has great resources for this that I use during live sessions.
Statistics on bullying and giftedness:
https://www.purdue.edu/uns/html4ever/2006/060406.Peterson.bullies.html
https://raisinglifelonglearners.com/what-does-bullying-mean/
https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-bullying-impacts-the-gifted-student-460594
Posted in Social and Emotional Learning
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